Oh, You Just Wait.

Saturday, April 5, 2014

People WITHOUT kids have a lot to say about people WITH kids. I swear, they're the judgiest (now a word). I know because I was the leader of the judgy crew. There are just some things that, before you're a parent, you "know" you will never do. And of course there are things you "know" your kids will absolutely not do.

"Oh, You just wait…" That famous line from parents everywhere used to make my SKIN CRAWL. How condescending! "You just wait" (I'm saying this in my nasally, annoying, mocky voice). I hated it SO. MUCH. And I know friends of mine that are probably reading this right now that hate it just as much. I would think right back, "no, YOU just wait! I'll show you!" Ha.

You just wait.

Well, friends. My brand new mommy self is realizing QUICKLY that those horrible, condescending words were parents' way of being nice. They were biting their tongues and doing the Jesus thing. Because in their brains they weren't just thinking, "You just wait."

In their brains, they were thinking…

You BLASTED. IDIOT. You THINK you "know" what parenting is going to be like. You have no. flipping. clue. YOU JUST WAIT until you've gone five months straight without sleep. Wait until you're eyes just BURN all the time from lack of sleep, but now it's just become the norm. Wait until you smell poop everywhere you go, even if there is none. YOU JUST WAIT until you literally can't remember the last time you took a shower without being interrupted several times by imaginary crying. Wait until you are responsible for keeping a HUMAN. BEING. ALIVE. You have no clue. And I don't care if you have a dog. Or a niece. Or you're a flipping teacher. IT'S NOT THE SAME. It's not the same if you babysit a lot. It's not the same if you have younger siblings. Unless you have a HUMAN CHILD in your house TWENTY FOUR HOURS a DAY, SEVEN DAYS a WEEK that you are solely responsible for. It's not. the. same. You just wait until you're pleeeaaading with that screaming child to just tell you what in the world he needs. Wait. For that hopeless feeling like you have NO CLUE what you're doing and you're just gonna screw up this perfect little human. Wait until the WHOLE WORLD is giving you different advice, and you can't decide which way is up and which way will work and you try it all and it DOESN'T WORK.

Wait until you're at your wits end and all the mommies in all the world can only tell you "it gets better" and your grasping at straws to feel like you're gonna make it and then some blasted childless idiot looks at you, in all of their sweet blissful ignorance, with that condescending face you just want to laugh in and tries to tell you what you should be doing or what THEY would do.

You just wait.

You wait until you hear that baby's first cry and you just think you've never heard a more beautiful sound. Wait until you hold that baby and realize you've just birthed the most beautiful human being ever made, ever. In the history of human beings. Until that baby looks at you every day with these eyes that just say, "Mommy, you're the best. You're the most perfectest Mommy ever." And you feel more love for that child than you ever thought possible. You wonder if you could ever love another baby as much as this one. And you realize that all the rest doesn't matter. This baby is perfect. Your whole world is made perfect just because of this baby.

You just wait.

Beckett & me after sleepless night #138 

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